Leave Me Alone

After having a rather hectic weekend of hosting two parties (what were we thinking!) and working three nights in a row prior, I am so ready right now to have some peace and quiet. No one but me and my thoughts. The birds are chirping, BLISS… a beautiful and perfect afternoon to be outside.

I am by nature a self diagnosed introvert. Growing up, I was so camera shy that in every photo you see I was either twisting my body in some weird pose to try to hide my face despite my mother’s attempts at telling me to face the camera or showing a full frontal pout. I hated having my picture taken! Years later, I figured I am much comfortable behind the camera than in front of it although I sometimes take a selfie or two just for social media’s sake.

It was a strange feeling back then when your parents want you to excel in school and in other extracurricular activities when really, all you want is to read or draw but at the same time, you have this innate desire to please them. I was President of our class for the most part in my elementary years because I got the highest grades. Studying and leadership roles go together so I had no choice that time. And then, I had to dabble in declaiming because they wanted me to and they even got me a tutor for it. Boy, I sucked at public speaking! I realized I was no drama queen! I was also a member of a rondalla, where I played the banduria. My proud parents drove me to every musical event where we played. In high school, my dad wanted me to get involved with the school publication because he was editor-in-chief of his college paper so I guess it followed suit that his only daughter follow in his footsteps. This was more of my comfort zone, as I have always had this penchant for writing even when I was younger but I really didn’t like most of the staff anyway so my interest toward it was lukewarm. I don’t blame my parents, I guess, they just wanted the best for me.

But my naturally introverted self was rebelling internally. Don’t get me wrong, I HAVE friends, lots of them actually. I have kept all my old childhood buddies and have remained in close contact with them to this day. It is in the unfamiliar social situations that get me uncomfortable. Or the unnecessary small talk, sometimes BS talk, that I try to avoid.

Despite this natural introverted tendencies of mine, I try my best to fight it and face my fears. I can speak better in public now (school and work exposures have helped out a lot in that aspect) and can hold a no-nonsense socially polite conversation at a party for a couple of minutes without getting bored or wishing to go home, read or be on my computer or be somewhere else but here! This is what you call being an adult truly. Hah!

Going back to our two parties over the weekend, the first one was a Filipino potluck to celebrate Manny Pacquiao’s “loss” to Floyd Mayweather. Really. Only boxing fans and Filipinos may recognize these names but every time Pacquiao has a fight, Filipinos all over the world find it a good excuse to get together and party. Most of the time, he wins but this time, with this event being dubbed as the “Fight of the Century”, he unfortunately lost to his smarter opponent. I am no boxing expert but the crowd’s reaction to the judges’ decision was evident who the crowd favorite was. Nobody wants a boxer who dances and hugs his way to victory, right?

The second party was more of an intimate dinner with our American friends two days after the Pacquiao party. But still you have to get the house ready, prepare dinner and drinks and then show off your hosting skills. Now, after cleaning the house for half a day following the first party (kids were involved, so you get the picture), tidying up after another one although not as terribly messed up as the first one is still a task in itself. I really don’t know why we did this to ourselves. All our fault, totally.

So, now, I know I haven’t published a post since last Friday, my hands were just itching to type and let it go. I’m tired and just want to be. I am alone, out in my patio as I am writing this, with a view of the lake in front of me, and my music playing acoustic songs while my washing machine is doing laundry. My brain is firing words and my soul reveling in the solitude. The sun is setting low over the horizon and there is nobody, no one to talk to and I love it!

This is my night to recharge and be left alone.

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